Army (Ben Folds Five cover) Lyrics

Well I thought about the army
Dad said, "Son you must be high"
And I thought, yeah, there's a first for everything
So I took my old man's advice
Three sad semesters
It was only fifteen grand spent in bed
I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a moustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chic-Fil-A
Citing artistic differences
The band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
I nuked another Grandma's Apple Pie
And hung my head in shame

Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today

Oh, I think I'll write a screenplay
Oh, I think I'll take it to L.A.
Oh, I think I'll get it done yesterday

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God, please spare me more rejection
Because my peers, they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels

I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I've been thinking a lot today
I thought about the army . . .